What it Means to Be Empowered

When I think about great leaders like MLK, the first word that comes to mind is empowerment. Our nation’s greatest leaders didn’t take no for an answer. They united those around them to believe in something beyond themselves. When we look back at MLK’s journey, we often view empowerment in the collective sense, celebrating his unique ability and determination to empower those around him. When young men and women look up to leaders like MLK, empowerment may seem intimidating; it may seem like a task beyond our reach, a task that seems intangible. Yet, what we don’t talk enough about is where empowerment begins. Before MLK could empower so many people around him, he had to empower himself.

When I recently came across Suzanne’s piece on empowerment on FoxNews, it led me to realize how often we tend to talk about empowerment in opposition to a specific group that becomes the ‘other.' Being empowered does not always mean teaming up with those whom we feel are similar to us and standing up to a common enemy. Empowerment stems from within. Empowerment starts small. It starts with believing in ourselves and making the conscious decision to visualize what it is that we want and refusing to let anything or anyone stand in our way until we get it. It is not until we learn to empower ourselves that we can seek to empower those around us. So what does it mean to be empowered?

Empowerment is getting up in the morning without hitting the snooze button.

Empowerment is picking up the phone and having that difficult conversation.

Empowerment is knowing that you can when everyone tells you that you can’t.

Empowerment is foregoing short term satisfaction in favor of long term achievement.

Empowerment is shutting off your phone and learning to disconnect.

Empowerment is proactively working towards your goals rather than letting the world just happen to you.

Empowerment is putting down the bag of chips and getting on the treadmill after a long day at work.

Empowerment is shutting a door that you’ve been too afraid to close.

Empowerment is staying in on a Friday or Saturday night just to make time for yourself.

Empowerment is turning off the TV and picking up a book you’ve been wanting to read.

Empowerment is being vulnerable.

Empowerment is speaking your mind even if people don’t like what you have to say.

Empowerment is being okay with being wrong.

Empowerment is getting back up again after staring failure in the face.

Empowerment is giving it all you’ve got. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Empowerment is saying no.

Empowerment is releasing negative energy.

Empowerment is standing in front of a room full of people and sharing your ideas.

Empowerment is forgiveness.

Empowerment is letting go of the toxic people in your life.

Empowerment is getting up on stage.

Empowerment is letting people get to know the real you.

Empowerment is pushing yourself to new limits.

Empowerment is a commitment to self discovery.

Empowerment is being your best self.

Empowerment means different things to different people, but the important thing is to take the time to think about what it means to be empowered in our own lives. While leaders like MLK have shown us that the progression and advancement of society is largely dependent on empowering those around us, our only hope in doing so is to first learn to empower ourselves.

The Debilitating Nature of Caring Too Much

Have you ever wanted something really badly? And when you did, what did that feel like? Every morning when you wake up, the gears in your mind start turning, and one cup of coffee quickly turns into six, and your mind doesn’t stop churning until your head hits the pillow at 2AM (on a good day). The days just roll by, and instead of staring at your watch waiting for time to pass, you’re constantly chasing it, wishing you could slow it down. Why? Because you care. You care so much about the purpose, the process, and the outcome that your goal becomes all consuming.

Being passionate about an idea and becoming so strongly invested in something that you care about the outcome is a good thing. But the more that you want something, the more likely you are to fall victim to caring too much, to becoming so focused on the outcome and achieving your goal that you go into a bubble and lose your sense of perspective.

Intensely caring about something that you hope to achieve is positive in the sense that it helps to align your interests, but caring too much can be debilitating. When we care about something 'just enough,' we maintain a certain degree of perspective that allows us to see that we are more than one individual goal, and our character does not rest solely on the evaluation of our successes and failures. Caring just enough allows us to voice our opinion, to take the risks necessary to help to carve out the path to help us to reach our goals in the first place. It comes with a whimsical attitude aligned with the many alternatives we have at our fingertips if all else fails.

But the more invested that we become in our success in a particular endeavor, the more we put ourselves at risk of caring too much. Caring too much can be debilitating and slow us down in reaching our goals, as the feeling reinitiates our fear of failure. When we care so much about succeeding, failing or falling short of our goals no longer feels like an option. We lose sight of all alternatives and get sucked into a vortex where we place unnecessary weight on our words and actions. In the process, not only do we risk losing the love of the game, but we risk undermining ourselves in the process.

The key to winning is not to stop caring, but to train yourself to maintain a sense of perspective that allows you to care just enough. Here are a few ways to begin to find an acceptable balance between constantly firing with an intense drive and maintaining an overarching perspective:

1)  Remind yourself of the alternatives. If all else fails, what is your next best option? In the grand scheme of things, if you had to resort to your next best alternative, would it really be all that bad?

2)  Do something for yourself every day. The more that you want something, the easier it is to adopt a singular focus. While this singular processing mechanism can be efficient for some time, once it reaches a tipping point, it may be taken too far. To prevent this degree of burnout, do something every single day just for the sake of doing it – something completely for yourself and unrelated to your primary focus or goal.

3)  Read stories or talk to other people about the state of their lives. Expose yourself to diverse perspectives or delve into fantasy worlds that are far from your own. Learn about the lifestyle, the goals, and the various aspects of the lives of others. Not only can this often be a humbling experience, but it can remind you that there is more than one way to live your life.

4)  Take five minutes to write down a list of things that you have accomplished up to this point in your life. When you care so much about achieving something or reaching a goal, it is important to remember all of the effort that you expended and the small wins that have gotten you to where you are standing today. This will help you to remember all of the tools that you have at your disposal and that your reputation is defined by more than any one individual outcome.

5)  Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. We are all different people, with different backgrounds, with different personalities, who move at different paces, and who have individualized approaches to reaching an end goal. Just because someone else is taking a particular approach in attempt to reach an end goal, it does not mean it is the most efficient path, nor does it mean it is the path best-suited for you. By overtly worrying about what other people are doing and how they are doing it, you are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to be someone that you’re not. Focus on you. Move at your own pace, and keep your eye on the prize.

While caring about something, whether it be achieving a goal or bettering yourself in some way, is an important aspect of improving your odds of achieving it, caring too much can drive you into overload and put you in a position where you are constantly putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. When you begin to feel this happening, it is important to consider the counterfactual – if all else fails and this doesn’t happen, what is my next best alternative? Chances are, you’re going to be alright. As much as you want to reach your goal, you may be unknowingly driving yourself into a wall by caring so much that your drive is debilitating - and maybe, just maybe, you’d actually perform better if you kept caring, but you just learned to care a little less.