How to Use Body Language to Raise Your Status

Acting, much like ordinary life, is largely a game of status. Actors often start playing a scene at a particular status level based on their character’s given circumstances; yet, they can utilize their body language to raise or lower their status as the scene progresses. The fact that an actor may inherently be playing a lower status character does not limit the actor from trying to raise the status of his character throughout the arc of a show. These shifts in status and inherent contradictions that we try to reconcile as audience members largely contribute to what makes a show interesting and holds our attention.  

Just as actors can utilize body language to convey shifts in status on stage, we too can manipulate our body language in order to raise our status in everyday settings. While you are interacting with friends at a dinner party or conversing with fellow colleagues around a boardroom table, status is constantly at play. The way that people express themselves both within and in relation to one another helps to establish the status levels of the various actors in the scenes that we encounter in our everyday lives. How can we differentiate high from low status players through simply examining the way in which people exert themselves? How can we shift our own body language to raise our status in situations where it might be appropriate to do so?

If you want to raise your status, try using the following tactics to shape your body language accordingly:

1. Keep your body physically open. You are ready to embrace whatever life throws at you, and you are comfortable in your own skin. You never contract your body, nor does it ever occur to you that you could possibly be taking up too much space.

2. Command space and time. You are in control of yourself and your surroundings, and you don’t move on behalf of anyone but yourself. You don’t move fast, nor do you move excessively slowly. You move steadily. You beat to your own drum. This ability to maintain control over your position in space and time is your greatest power. You never let anyone take this power away from you.

3. Maintain a steady energy. You display an absence of insecurity. There is a laid back sensibility about you, and you are seemingly indifferent and unworried. When you walk, your steps are steady and evenly paced. You walk in a straight line (effortlessly, of course).

4. Be still. When you speak to someone, you don’t move your head or neck in space. You are aiming for ultimate stillness. You don’t play with your hair when you are speaking, nor do you fidget in any way, shape, or form.

5. Execute effortlessly. For you, everything is effortless. You accomplish great things, but they come easily to you. You already have high status, so there’s no need to work for it.

6. Flow into other people’s space. You are expansive. You allow your energy and your body to expand into the universe. You are not afraid to occupy a significant amount of space or to flow into the space of others.

7. Don’t initiate staring. You rarely initiate staring at people, but if you catch someone who happens to be staring at you, you don’t look away.

8. Send your energy slightly past people. You exert a casual nonchalance when speaking. When you interact with someone, you are seemingly looking at them but yet so subtly sending your energy slightly past them.

9. Be non-reactive. You don’t change your behavior simply on behalf of others. You don’t get up and leave the dinner table simply because two people in front of you got up and left the table. You are not phased or rattled by the actions of those around you. You are definitely not compliant towards your peers. You are simply indifferent towards them.

10. Be conscious of your bubble, but let it pop. You have a significant bubble of personal space consciously surrounding you at all times. This helps you to maintain your center and always remain in control of your own movement through space and time. Yet, if a situation calls for it, you are not afraid to pop your bubble through initiating or being receptive to physical contact.

When executed well, the body language exhibited in the steps above can help you to raise your status in ordinary social settings. Like many things in acting, your status is not only derived from how you act within yourself, but also how you react when others try to flow into your space. While the exhibition of high status behavior is often associated with positive attributes such as confidence and power, it is important to acknowledge that playing a ‘high status’ role is not appropriate in every social setting. Through understanding how your body language shapes the type of energy that you project, you can selectively choose the appropriate status level that you hope to exhibit and alter your physicality accordingly.

Designing an Image

About midway through high school, I started watching a show called Gossip Girl. The show is supposed to be a snapshot into the world of high income, high status New York society, as the outsiders go to preposterous lengths to try to get in with the ‘it crowd.’ After watching the first two episodes, I became absolutely infatuated.  From the clothes, to the parties, to the lifestyle, I had never seen people or places quite so glamorous.  From that point onward, I knew what I wanted.  I wanted in. 

As I continued to watch the show season after season during my high school years, the idea of landing in that world felt entirely out of reach.  While I may have been able to dominate the halls of high school with the status I had naturally gained through my fairly public gymnastics career, this micro level of fame was no longer enough for me.  I had my sights set on something else, something bigger, and I was determined to do whatever it would take to get there.  While my friends were obsessing over their AP Scores and scoping out potential prom dates, I was setting the groundwork for the most difficult design challenge that I would ever embark on:  designing my way into a world that I so desperately wanted to be a part of.

The most challenging thing about this design challenge was that I couldn’t let anyone in on the secret.  Designing an image is different than any other design challenge, as you have to play both the role of the designer and the subject of your design.  It is an out-of-body experience.  While I wasn’t even sure that the world I was working towards really existed, I was desperate to discover the truth for myself.  If I could design a new life for myself through the image that I would create, then maybe, just maybe, I could find a way in.  As I set off on the design challenge of a lifetime, I knew that I was on my own.  If I was going to play my cards right and really have a shot at getting into this world, I knew that I couldn’t let anyone know what I was up to.

Designing an image is like creating a character within a play; if the audience sees you break character, they don’t buy in.  If I would have any chance of making this work, I knew that I would need buy-in from all parties, no exceptions.  The constraint of solidarity has been one of the greatest challenges that I’ve faced throughout this design journey.  The more I began to morph into the image I was creating, the further I drifted from the people in my life who knew the version of me that existed prior to designing my new image.  For quite some time, I felt entirely entrapped in my own head, caught in the middle of the image that I created and the powerless high school student still caught inside of me.

When I started watching Gossip Girl five years ago, I was a complete outsider peering into a world that I wasn’t even sure existed.  Five years later, this is the world that I have come to call my reality. It is the access pass that I wanted all along.  Everyone who remains on the outside sees my world as something as glamorous and intriguing as I saw the world of Gossip Girl in high school, and everyone on the inside has bought into the image I’ve designed.  What I failed to realize when I embarked on this design journey five years ago is that this world that I so badly wanted to be a part of is, in many ways, completely empty.  While it looks perfect from the outside, this world is somewhat surfaced – a sea of people going through the motions and drinking just enough champagne to keep the conversation flowing.  For all besides a few, this world is a game, and everyone on the inside is merely playing a part.  While the life that my image subsists in may be empty, it is really easy to trick yourself into making it feel fulfilling.  We have all built an image that can survive in this world, but just because your image can survive, it doesn’t mean that you can. 

Underneath all of the elaborate evening gowns and flutes of champagne is the version of my heart and mind that is still stuck in high school, walking around the halls with my head in a book and my hair in a ponytail as I quickly rushed to make it to Fed Challenge practice or AP Chem Lab. I became so consumed with building out the image that I needed to create in order to design the life that I wanted, that I have blurred the line between who I really am and who I show the world.  I often wonder if when I started designing my own image, there are certain parts of me that somehow did not come along for the journey; it’s as if my brain is still stuck in a former version of myself and my body is living and breathing in the world that I’ve designed my way into. 

When I looked in the mirror five years ago, I didn’t always like what I saw, but at least I knew that it was my own self who was staring back at me.  Now when I look in the mirror as I’m on my way to a charity gala or cocktail party, I feel like in many ways, I’m looking at a mere creation - a carefully crafted design that lives in the depths of the life I’ve created, while I’m left floundering somewhere behind.  Like I said, it’s truly an out-of-body experience. 

Nonlinear Network Building

When I walk into a ballroom full of dolled-up women and men in suits, the first thing that I do is take a mental snapshot of the room. Within the first few minutes, I can usually spot the handful of walking commodities that the regular partygoers are dying to get their hands on. But rather than following the social norms and flocking to the barbie dolls that consistently turn heads in the crowd, I subtly seek out the people in the room who are in the lowest demand according to the NYSD photographers – the ones standing by themselves in a corner, or those surrounded by a sea of people who can’t seem to find their way to the inner circle.

Underneath all of the makeup and seemingly proper decorum, the people who come off as the life of the party are ironically often the ones with the least interesting stories to tell. So why get in line behind the fifty other social-climbing wannabees, when you have a room full of interesting people who are eager to share their stories if you are simply willing to listen? After spending countless evenings that began to morph into a blur of extraneous living, I stopped trying to forcibly meet the people who seemed interesting on paper, and I started trying to meet seemingly ordinary individuals who had interesting stories to tell.

The majority of people live under the assumption that they should invest their time and energy in meeting the people who have the credentials and adequate social standing to put them on the fast-track to success. But what these people don’t realize is that more often than not, the most direct pathway to success is through opening yourself up to nonlinear connections. Every person that you encounter in your day-to-day life has experienced something or knows someone that you do not. From the person that you strike up a conversation with in the corner of a crowded ballroom, to the homeless man that you usually ignore on your walk to work in the morning – there is something that you can learn from everyone, if only you give them the chance to share their story.

The first step in capitalizing on the power of forming a network through nonlinear connections is to shift your mindset. You need to let go of the perception that only people with ‘high status’ are worth your attention, and rather start consciously dedicating your time and energy to crossing paths with as many different people as possible every single day.  If you build both a personal and professional network that is composed of only the people who are most like you, you will never be as cultured, experienced, or intelligent as you could be if you had built a network where you are constantly learning from the differences of those around you.

Once you have come to believe that every person in this world can help you in some way, you need to start expanding your social network. Rather than meeting people only at the times when you think that you need them to help you get ahead, the key to capitalizing on nonlinear connections is to build an expansive network before you know exactly what you want or need to advance your personal or career goals. In the midst of working long hours, it can often be challenging to force yourself to break outside of your comfort zone and meet new people who are unlike you – but it is often the conversations with those people that can help you find it within yourself to see the world in a new light. You need to challenge yourself to give other people the time that they deserve, and once the initial connection is formed, you need to genuinely take an interest in learning from the experiences that they are willing to share with you. Beyond listening to the stories of others, you need to also start becoming comfortable with sharing your own story.  Sharing your own biggest fears or most pressing life goals with a best friend who is just like you may come naturally, but learning how to open up to those who have different life experiences might initially pose to be more challenging. However, once you learn to overcome this barrier, truly deep connections will be formed.

If you build an expansive network of all different types of people before you need it, then when the time comes that you need help achieving a specific goal that you have in mind, you have the world at your fingertips. People will remember that you invested in their stories when you didn’t expect anything in return, and they will be more than happy to help you to achieve your goals if you give them the opportunity to do so.  When trying to move closer to achieving a specific goal, you need to remember the power of nonlinear connections, as it is often the person who you least expect to help you who actually has the greatest potential to do so.

Let’s say that you are in your junior year of high school, and the only thing that matters to you right now is getting into Harvard. Throughout your application process, many mentors may encourage you to connect with individuals such as professors, alumni, administrators, donors, and other individuals who are directly associated with the University to give you a leg up on your application.  These are examples of linear connections that you would likely think to form in order to help you achieve your long-term goal of getting into Harvard. However, if you have built a network before you need it, you have many more resources at your disposal than you may realize. Maybe your lifelong soccer coach has a brother who played on the soccer team at Harvard, or maybe the construction worker building the addition onto the back of your house also built a few of the buildings on the Harvard campus, or maybe your dad’s friend’s sister works in the cafeteria at the school, and mingles with the students and faculty over pancakes in the dining hall every Saturday morning. It’s a good thing that you took the time to talk to your dad’s friend with the crazy hair at that barbecue last summer, and that you made the construction worker who is building the addition on your house a sandwich on that one hot summer day – because at the time when you least expect it, your efforts to pay it forward will pay off.  Had you taken a linear approach to network building, you may have ignored all of these individuals who now hold the potential to alter the path of your life by helping you to get into the school of your dreams. But now you know better.

Whether it be getting into the college of your dreams, getting that job you always wanted, or meeting your teenage idol, there is always someone who can help you to achieve your goals.  Since it is impossible to predict the hurdles and opportunities that life will throw at you, you need to form genuine connections with as many diverse people as you can before you know exactly what you want or need. So instead of sitting with your clique of best friends at the lunch table today, or talking to the life of the party this evening, I challenge you to talk to the person who you would typically ignore.  Give them the chance to share their story - because one day, they might just change your life.